Empathy vs. Sympathy Pt. 2

We exchanged pleasantries and I immediately inquired why his phone was off. “battery issues” he replied. He was clearly eager to go see his son. He quickly introduced me to his friends. “This guy saved us!” he quipped as he pointed at me. My stomach churned. Moses was clueless…and so were his friends.

I asked him to briefly hold on as I proceeded to pull his friends aside, a bit far from his earshot. “Why don’t you guys wait from over there because you all can’t be allowed inside in one go?”, I told them as I pulled them aside. Once away from his earshot I told them, “guys…Moses’s wife didn’t have an easy delivery as you all are aware. The baby had complications. Things aren’t good we speak. At around 5am we lost the baby and as you can clearly see, he isn’t aware. Now I have this ginormous task of breaking the terrible news to him. So I need you to be strong for him, coz after breaking this to him, he might want to come back to you guys for support”. His friends nodded in agreement. They were visibly shocked but they tried their best to hide their emotions.

I went back to Moses. As I neared him, I could see that he was still smiling. I couldn’t smile back. I took his hand and without uttering a word, escorted him to the operating theatre’s waiting bay. I gently helped him put down his shopping. I heaved…a strong heave then looked him straight in the face. “Bro”, I began. “I have looked for you over the phone from as early as 5am…” his iconic smile now disappeared. “Is my wife okay?” He asked. I replied in the affirmative and quickly added, “you know the baby had some bit of complications, and at around 5am…we tried our best bro, but I am sorry”.

I remember him slumping against the wall and letting himself go. He squatted and held his head between his hands. This was a shocker and he was evidently devastated. This was nothing he had envisioned…not after yesterday’s triumph. I let him take it in for a minute then told him, “Moses…I have literally cried a while back. But I realized that our reaction might have a large on impact on Mercy. She indeed has undergone a lot. She has this scar that will always remind her of her loss. We need to be strong for her. I can imagine your pain, but I humbly beg you…go to her and be there for her. Encourage her. Me and you, we can cry later, away from her vicinity.

Moses didn’t say anything. He looked up, as if staring at the ceiling. Maybe he was having a conversation with God?

He then looked at me and told me, “Ni sawa Khamis, ni mipango ya Mungu” (It’s okay Khamis, It’s all God’s plan”. He stood up swiftly wiped his eyes, picked his shopping and asked me if he can be allowed to see his child. I replied in the affirmative. We passed by the tiny room where he viewed his baby. I couldn’t bring myself to watching him do this so I stepped outside. After a few minutes, he came out of the room and we proceeded to see his wife.

I remember his wife craning her neck up and subsequently trying to sit upright the moment we walked towards her. Moses immediately placed his shopping down and embraced her whilst smiling. They exchanged pleasantries and he immediately told her, “Khamis just briefed me on what happened. I am sorry my phone was off. Be strong love…it’s all God’s plan. We shall overcome this”. I let them have a talk as I waited outside.

Later on, Moses came out and asked me if I could help him plan for a funeral that very day. He told me that he wasn’t going to be able to organize for the body to be ferried all the way to a far off region where they both hailed from. I then had a brief talk with Mercy and made sure that she was in agreement too.

I had never planned for a funeral before.

I remember God opening ways for us and making the sudden funeral preparations easy for all of us. A kind lady from the surrounding community offered us some place in her compound as a burial site. She told us that she would be glad to have the baby buried there for to her, that was an “angel”.

Another kind man that owned a carpentry workshop offered to make for us a small coffin and boy did he make sure it looked as beautiful as it could be!

As I went on with the preparations, Moses left off to go and inform the rest of his friends including his local pastor of his sudden predicament. Later on, his friends as well as a part of his community came back in droves (filled up 2 vans and some 2 saloon cars) and we were thereafter able to hold a requiem mass for the baby and offer a befitting send off. Mercy was not able to attend the burial ceremony for she was still in the ward but we made sure we briefed her.

Days later Mercy was discharged from the hospital and I remember the couple offering me their sincerest appreciation for having helped them during their difficult moment.

As I watched them leave the hospital, I couldn’t help but wonder, how does one heal from such?