CHILLING WITH THE BIG BOYS

Growing up, I remember how much fun it was dropping by the local video show just to stare at movie posters. God knows I would have sold my little brother or my pediatric kidney just so that I experience the thrill of sitting in that room and watching a movie together with the "big boys". I don’t know about today but back then, your average video den was a tiny, poorly ventilated dimly lit room, crammed with old squeaky unpadded wooden benches. A tiny colored TV placed on some wooden cabinet towered over at the front and if the proprietor was a “serious one with business”, you will be treated to some cool breeze courtesy of some rickety oscillating antique table fan, that also doubled up as a cooling system for the already overworked VHS player.

I remember vividly how I used to admire guys who often hang out at the video dens all day. They were my childhood heroes because unlike yours truly (who had "strict parents) and had to attend school (and once back from school had to help out with house chores), these heroes of mine never had to do nothing! Their daily itinerary involved waking up, no bathing, feasting on their breakfast and ultimately head over to the local video show den and watch movies all day! I always dreamed of trading my parents for theirs!

(photo credit: Shadows at Ciné Guimbi. Photograph: Marilia Guiraud/Ciné Guimbi)

Strict disciplinarian…

You see, my mum was the type that would whoop my tiny behind into smithereens if I so much went over to our neighbors and watched kid programs like Kiini Macho or The Rainbow Surprise. Never mind that these were educative programs that ran for a mere 25 minutes including commercial breaks and by the way, at least she knew our neighbors! So you can imagine what she would do to me if I went over to the local video show den to watch some Bollywood Blockbuster titled "Dhul Ham Apn Pyar He" (okay, that is not Hindu...I just made that up) starring Mithun Chakraborty and Kareena Kapoor. Remember, these were movies that would on average last 3 hours and they weren’t the "educative" type! Probably I wouldn't be here today typing this.

I vividly remember how one day, my bro and I went over to our neighbor’s to watch some cartoon. Like a leopard about to prance onto an unsuspecting deer, our mum stealthily crept in on us. She didn’t even say hi to the host! All I recall was a thunderous slap gracing the back of my head and my mind went blank. By the way, you see those stars that people talk about as having seen them after being punched or slapped...yeah, those are real or rather do exist coz I saw them. I recall I was so glued to the Tv and after the slap, I experienced some brief dark as well as blank moment. I, for a moment, thought that someone had switched off the Tv.

When I came around, my feet were literally dangling in the air. This is because mum had carried us the way you would carry a cat whenever you intend to throw it outside the house. Season 2 of the @$$ whooping we got a home is a story for another day. So, once again, you can imagine what she would do to yours truly if she happened to catch me at the local video show den, sitting among what she believed were scum who were not only busy huffing and puffing on cigarettes but also conversing in ‘sheng’, a dialect that every strict parent then believed was a reserve for souls doing hard time for unmentioned crimes at maximum prisons facilities.

My first movie experience…

I remember my first movie experience like it was yesterday. It was a Saturday. We were supposed to go to school then but my pal Bill had ten shillings and that was enough to cater for a movie for two. So we did the thinkable: skipped school. We went to this video house that was next to our home. I remember the movie was titled "The King of Kickboxers". It was the first time I was seeing Billy Blanks in a role and boy did I hate him after that! Throughout the entire movie, my mind kept reminding me, "dude, you know your mum is the queen of Kickboxers and she is going to kill you for skipping school".

Anyway, one thing that was for sure was I enjoyed the experience. For once I was chilling with the "big boys" as they heavily huffed, puffed and passed onto each other the cigarettes as they conversed in sheng. For once I felt I was home and to quote one of my favorite old skul rap songs by Shade Sheist ft. Nate Dogg (may he continue resting in eternal peace), titled #WhereIWannaBe, I felt like I identified with the song’s lyrics then: "this is where i wanna be/right here with my loved ones/smokin' on some weed/you've got chronic won't you light it up..."

Finally, the movie came to an end, and I stepped out of the "movie theater". I was reeking of cigarette smoke and bad lingo but who cared? I was now a big boy!

All I cared about was tomorrow. Tomorrow I was going to narrate the movie to "young boys" back at school. Indeed, I spent the next months recapping the movie to all and sundry at school. My friend Bill would look for me all over the school compound only for him to stumble at me at some corner busy narrating to the lads the story as I poorly mimicked the fight scenes. Bill would just smile and waltz away satisfied that he had played an important role in my boring milestones.

Well, years later, I still meet most of these "big boys" whenever I’m in my hometown, at the bus stage where they usually tout and occasionally, they would request me to leave for them ‘something small’ and I always make sure that I do.

Moral of the story? Thanks mum! I am glad I never traded you. I love you and the ass whooping did finally pay off.